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[Sunday, Jul 18th, 2004 ♥ 3:12pm] |
i have a new livejournal.
if you want to be added to it, comment here or there.
i am still contemplating on making it friends only, but most likely not. i have added quite a few people already whom i hope will add me back. if not, i'll take you off.
goodbye to sexinlondon.
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| don't assume this is about you... |
[Sunday, Jul 18th, 2004 ♥ 1:14pm] |
I really am in the worst mood right now. I have never felt this way before. People really just don't give a shit about anything anymore. I have one friend who i know has a heart and cares about people other than herself, and i rarely get to see her. I can't wait to get out of here and just leave it all behind, all of these cold hearted people that just come around to "hang out". I'm sick of that, i'm sick of the two-faced people who say one thing to one person and another thing to another person. It's bullshit and i really don't care to deal with it anymore. I know that it will be everywhere in life, but i also know that i can meet people to have friendships with that will last forever.
Some people can really get you bummed out and they don't know how much they can hurt you from simple things that they don't pay attention too. Friends are meant to be around to make you each happy, to actually enjoy eachothers company and let them know that you do. You don't just leave without any care in the world.
I haven't been this lonely before. I have no idea why i'm like this. It's probably just a phase i am going through, getting used to knowing how the people i am around really are. I guess i just need a change.
It would be nice to have someone know me and understand me again, as well as the same from me to them. I guess that's just something hard to find in life. I don't think i'm going to be much of Miss Social for a while. I need to understand that i can have a break and eventually end up with those great friends that will always be there.
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[Saturday, Jul 17th, 2004 ♥ 2:00pm] |
I have made a few decisions in the past few minutes. I no longer am going to hang out with many of the people that i have usually been hanging out with. A person today let me know how i really can't trust people. I don't want to be seen as a terrible person, because i'm not. I never do, and never have done, anything to intentionally hurt anyone. My recent past relationship has had many bad things said about it. Yes, the relationship ended badly, but the whole of it had many good memories and that is all i want said about it. I have said things about my ex out of anger and out of confusion, but i am moving on from that immaturity level and letting the past and present be what they are.
I can't help what has been said about me and what people choose to say now, but i can prevent anything else from being said. I think it's time to become the independent girl i have always wanted to be. I'm getting back into ballet (and lyrical) dancing once school starts again, getting into acting, and i will be driving. I have a small group of friends that will always be close to me. Though i may not be able to see them each as often as i see others, i will take the choice of sitting down watching movies with my sister or my neighbor, or even going to Denny's by myself to just read and drink coffee. Those situations are much more wonderful then being around fake people who come over just to hang out with someone. They are wonderful people, but at this time it is just way to difficult to be around them. There are way too many other things that i could be doing, and many more wonderful people that i can meet.
I hate this teenage crap. The rumors, the mean words, the back and fourth friendships, the evil x boyfriends and x girlfriends. It's bullshit and i can't wait to get away from it all. I am starting now. Everything is in it past and that's is where i want it to stay.
I hope someday i can find that best friend to share clothes with and sing our favorite songs with while driving down to the beach at sunset. And i will. I've already starting talking to someone in Simi who i have yet to meet very soon. She seems so wonderful. *She's my Winona Ryder and i'm her Victoria Beckham* And someday i will have that group of friends that can have a house party to the song of Eve 6 - Here's to the Night. Hey, cheesy i know, but it would be amazing, you know it would be.
I am a happy person, and i intend to stay that way.
********
Ps. Denny's and movies with Sarah and Maddie and Chelsea tonight. ♥
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[Saturday, Jul 17th, 2004 ♥ 11:07am] |
i have that feeling in my stomach. i haven't had it for a while. i should do something about it... but i don't want too.
i'm going to do something to my hair soon. this girl came into my work and inspired me to get my hair done. i'm thinking thick blonde chunks.
if it all works out sarah and i will be at my simi house tonight, the house to ourselves. we're going to go to denny's later on tonight because it's amazing and anyone else who wants to come with us call 208-6744.
i have four months left until i get my license.
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[Thursday, Jul 15th, 2004 ♥ 7:44pm] |
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muse - time is running out |
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okay so that last entry got deleted. i don't understand.
^^^ that is what i wore today. it's cute because that is my new shirt and i was excited.
mall today with maddie and rachel. brandyn came to visit beforehand and played with captain oliver. at the mall we got food right away, then went into sharper image where i found nothing that i could buy with 64 dollars except for this massager that looked like a big ol' vibrator and this squishy pillow. i think i'm going to have my mom take me in and help me buy that mini-fridge.
so we go into hot topic and i bought a shirt, then we go into sephora and i get maddie and i some eyeshadow and rachel gets her own, hehe. we're bad girls aren't we? haha i finally have the eyeshadow that i have wanted for 2 years.
we listening and sang to dashboard when we were driving home and rachel played with my kitty. i love those two girls so much, we had so much fun!
here is one picture of me from prom, yes i have many more but i don't feel like posting them since i am not alone in those pictures. ( Read more... )
i almost got to see chris and brent today. =( i wore cute glasses in rachel's car. from melrose baby.
brattny705: i miss you too
brattny705: i watched sex and the city last night and ate chex and thought about you!
brattny705: i was like "man i wish natalie was here"
brattny705: and angel and sweety agreed
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[Wednesday, Jul 14th, 2004 ♥ 11:30pm] |
i walked home from work tonight. it was so wonderful outside, the perfect temperature and perfect amount of wind. i was thinking a lot and i realized how much i love taking walks by myself. but it does suck being interrupted in my thoughts when some douche-bag boyman decides to honk at me.
i've decided that i am going to have a 2 ounce wheat grass shot everytime i work. nothing else. those apple cinnamon pretzel's are going to screw me over.
i'm exausted. i get a break from work tomorrow which is a nice thing after 5 days working hours that i am just now getting used too. i'm going to see maddie tomorrow, i hope. today i wanted to just skip work, go to your house and crawl into bed with you. i think i will do that next week. and i will see brittny next week. oh i am excited.
i have been thinking about a certain thing lately. i really think that i am losing my interest in relationships with boys all together, not quite the attraction since that you cannot help, but the thought of being with a boy again. yes i have been bi for quite some time now but it seems to intensify everyday. i know this wonderful girl who i have yet to meet. her name is vivian, and our communication has been going on for a long time now and sooner or later you will see pictures of her and i on this journal. it feels like i do already know her, but she just moved away. she is such an amazing and real person. until then i will have to be patient. until then i have the most wonderful cuddle partner that i will ever need, and yes, he is a boy. so as of now, i'm sorry to any males, you are just outta luck with this girl.
NEW america's next top model starts in the fall. i am watching the re-runs of the first series every tuesday and i can't wait for the new season. they should have a mini-model one so i can try out :)
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[Wednesday, Jul 14th, 2004 ♥ 2:03pm] |
work:
today: 4pm-8pm
friday: 5pm-9pm
tues: 6pm-10pm
i have thursday off. i may be hanging out with either maddie or brandyn. damn it's a tough decision. then i've got the whole weekend off, and i need to find a sleepover buddy since my dad's leaving for the weekend starting saturday night. any takers? i'm sure i'll find someone. i found someone! sarah and i are gonna sneak over to my house in simi, telling our parents that we are sleeping over at eachothers houses, you know, that old trick, and we'll have a photo session and get our butts up and go to denny's. anyone wanna join us in the house to ourselves saturday night? ♥
so there are these really neat pictures that i want to post (meaning how they turned out with lighting). so i am going too. if you feel i post to many pictures of myself and my kitten, please do not click on the link. i really don't want to come off as vain, it's just i was excited to how long my hair is getting. lots of you have seen my hair at different lengths, so i gotta keep you updated :)
chrissie you gotta look at my dress. told ya i had one. twin day!
( Read more... )
anyways, i think i'm getting back into some old habits.
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[Tuesday, Jul 13th, 2004 ♥ 3:27pm] |
( Read more... )
last night i went over to sylvia's house. her, jessica, and i sat around the fire pit talking about bunches of things. i love those girls. we did get lied to at the end of the night which bummed me out. i really don't understand why people lie about stupid things. it's better to just tell the truth instead of getting caught in a lie two minutes after. whatever, i guess it really is just super hard to find good people that you can rely on to be your friends. watching sylvia and jessica and their friendship was the most precious thing that i've seen in a long time. someday i hope i can find a friendship that has a resemblence to theirs.
so i got my 20 hours for this week. i get 20 hours for this next week as well. not as much as i would like but it's a start. tomorrow i work 4-8. i can't remember the rest of the week. yesterday i was on blend and pour and i see this boy, standing on the other side of the counter, looking at me. i was like "ooo who's that cute boy smiling at me?" .. it turns out it was my old friend jared. haha i didn't recognize him and now i feel stupid for just looking at him for that minute i didn't know it was him.
oliver has a friend: ( Read more... )
i almost cut my hair last night. but i controlled myself. there is a girl that i miss, her name is sarah and she's the cutest girl in the world. i'm not able to see her everyday and it upsets me. we're going to take many pictures next time, just like i am doing lately out of bordom and curiousity of what i look like these days. sarah, i adore you ♥
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[Monday, Jul 12th, 2004 ♥ 2:42pm] |
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
CHRIS FISHER
♥ ♥ ♥
work 3-7.
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| you always amaze me, but that's the past |
[Sunday, Jul 11th, 2004 ♥ 2:03am] |
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so tonight i got home from work and brent, brandon and chris came to visit me. and my kitten. they are the best guys in the world:
( Read more... )
Alright, time to be a photoholic girl and post my purchases:
( Read more... )
as you can see, i'm very happy to have my camera back.
work tomorrow: 10am - 5pm. come visit me. edit: 3 hours of sleep the other night. 3 1/2 last night. this sleeping business just isn't working for me.
attn: tonight is a good night. i love the feeling in the air. i read through entries on my friends list and everyone is so sincere and thoughtful these days with what they type, and what they want people to know. people can be so amazing sometimes. i'm here listening to the original underoath, in my new sweater, and just watching my kitten gallop across the room at random times. it's a great feeling. my window is open, my light is on and i just love that i am alone in my room right now. it can't get any better than this. i am glad that things have happened in my life how they have. everything happens for a reason. i have met wonderful and amazing people, and i have met people that will only be a memory of change and learning.
someday i will drive down that black canyon road again.
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sexinlondon's journal